i'm sorry;

Jun. 12th, 2014 12:36 am
psharp10: (daesung)
[personal profile] psharp10
Title: I'm Sorry;
Rating: PG
Pairing(s)/Character(s): TOP/Daesung
Length: 548 words
Summary: i'm sorry daesung-ah, i'm sorry.
Warning/s: nothing really, except i guess some self-hate and maybe implied slight alcoholism
Notes: this is in poem format (sort of??) and it's just something that came to me as i was watching and listening to Gummy's "I'm Sorry" - the Japanese version, it's not really related to the music video, but the angst was inspired from it. i also do plan to write a fic version of this, though the story might be slightly different. on aff here~


i’m sorry daesung-ah
for all the times that i told you
i’ll be there
but i never was

i’m sorry for those days
that i came home late
drunk and tired
and never cared
to even glance in your direction
as i entered the apartment

you thought i ignored you then
but i never did
i never could
i always looked at you
your body turned away from me
and i fell asleep
just looking at you

i’m sorry daesung-ah
that i lost the ring
you gave to me
on our fifth anniversary
it was so special to me
to us
and words can’t describe
how bad i felt

it was like i lost a part of myself

you were angry with me that night
you didn’t even raise your voice
you just shut yourself off
and that hurt so much more
than loud words and shouting could

i left you alone that night
once again
i left you alone

you closed the door to our bedroom
so i knew
that i wasn’t invited
i didn’t sleep on the couch
i couldn’t sleep

i went to drink instead
though i shouldn’t have
i knew i shouldn’t have

i didn’t return home that night
neither did i next morning
or following night

in the back of my mind i knew
what i was doing was wrong
that you were home
worried sick probably
feeling like it was all your fault

it never was daesung-ah
i wish i had told you that more often
that it’s never your fault

i did come back home though
after three nights had passed
i was tired
reeking of alcohol and smoke
but you took me in your arms
and whispered sorry all night

you cleaned me up
laid me on the bed
made me food
and took care of me

why did you do that for me?
i don’t deserve you

i’m sorry daesung-ah
i never told you how much i love you
how much i cherish you
want you
need you

but somehow you always knew
you could hear it in my kisses
in my touches
not only the big ones
but the smaller fleeting ones too
the slight press of my hand on your shoulder
your knee
your hand
you heard my words loud and clear

i love you

i’m sorry daesung-ah
that you got me
when you deserved someone so much better
who’d love you better than me
who’d show you the love better

i’m sorry daesung-ah
that i left you alone all those times
broke promises i made
lost things you gave me
made you angry
hurt you
and made you cry

i’m sorry daesung-ah
that i couldn’t be better
that i couldn’t make myself better

i should have told you
that i love you
more often
shown you that i care about you
that i want to protect you
that you mean so much to me
you are worth so much
that you are priceless

i’m sorry daesung-ah
that i never realized about any of this
or at least never cared
to change for better
to do things better
until it was too late
and you were gone

i’m sorry daesung-ah
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry.

January 2017

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